might be mediocre

i’m sitting down early this morning.
i have a busy brain.
minutiae mostly.

house projects, travel plans, kid schedules…
so i thought i’d just write some first.
see if i can.

rise above the noise.

i meditate most mornings before i get going.
it was loud in my head today.
all that little shit.
makes it hard to sit still.
i forget it’ll all still be there in 20 minutes.
i won’t lose what i think i will.
the cream will always rise to the top.

but in this moment i’m impatient.
i don’t want to write.
i wanna move.
i wanna check things off the list.

i’m hearing my voice.
reminding me of what’s not done.
scolding me for not getting to what i wanted to finish up by friday.
confirming how i can never quite complete.
its a pervasive thought process.
that then continues on.

telling me i’m not enough.
asking me why i thought blogging was a good idea.
knowing i won’t be able to keep it up.

i’m going to hear that screech, and do it anyway.
i’m going to post this any second now.
after i’ve read it just one more time…
i’m going to hear that voice that says this could be more and i’m going to shut it dowm.

because sometimes good enough is just that, good enough

take that busy brain.